what the bloody hell is going on?

there's no direction in my life at the friggin moment -.- there are a million things i'd wna do but cant, and nt jus because i have to protect singapore "WITH MY LIFE!" the path ahead is jus about as clear as kopi-o, and imho im jus too screwed up to survive in this world, cuz its like 10X more screwed up and alot more crazy then i can ever imagine it to be. and the thing is, i dun even noe myself well enuff. as much as i wld like to change, i jus seem to be hentakaki-ing i.e. yuan2 di4 ta1 bu4 i.e. not makin any headway. i noe im alot more "fortunate" then my peers in other countries, but i seem to be failing in almost everything i want to achieve. like all my successes that could be of significance seem to be accidental shit that has no link whatsoever to my effort. -.- i dun expect my life to be plain-sailing. i wld like to think that i have low expectations. but i cant help it when i think about certain things i missed out on. sigh. u'd have thot that a person of my age wld have outgrown self-pitying, but well =/ when u have too much time on ur hands u're kinda in danger of doing this kind of thing. stupid life. but its so fun at the same time. cheeken. wads going onnnnnnn :(((((